Subscribe to BIZARRE NEWS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Another blow was struck in the cause of social justice when officials in the town of Corsicana, Texas bowed to public pressure and removed a hateful icon of racism that had plagued the community. But this time it wasn't a statue of some Civil War Confederate general or despicable slave-owner, but an image of the very soul of racism; a plaster gorilla.

The gorilla statue had stood in the park for years, where children would climb and play on it. The plan was to eventually add more animal statues like a tiger and a bear to give the park a circus-themed atmosphere. But after Corsicana Mayor Don Denbow received 45 complaints that the gorilla was offensive, the decision was made to remove it entirely.

"The city of Corsicana has recently made the decision to remove a display in Community Park," Denbow said in the statement. "It was determined to be potentially racially insensitive."

One long-time resident said she understood the concerns: "The gorilla is a black ape confined in a unbreakable cage. I am sympathetic to the idea that it could be thought of as a metaphor for the institution of slavery."


The statue, named Dobby, had been inside a black metal cage in Corsicana's Community Park. Denbow said the empty cage would become a climbing feature, and the city would consider replacing the display.

Interestingly enough, residents have started to make counter demonstrations. Odd memorials have been set up around the empty cage and people have organized sit-ins to demand the gorilla's return. And like true politicians, the city administration is now considering a complete flip-flop and bringing Dobby back.

Of course, actions like this are just band aids. They don't address the real root of racism, which is, of course, gorillas themselves. No gorillas. No hate.

Let us know your opinion. What animal do you think is more racist than gorillas?


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Click

Questions? Comments? Email:

*---- Life Raft Crashes Through Woman's Roof ----*

A Florida woman said she thought a bomb went off inside her home, but discovered the crash was actually a life raft dropped on her home by the helicopter. Luce Rameau of Miami said she was in her bed talking to a friend on the phone when wood and dust from her roof rained down on her. "I kept screaming, 'What happened? What happened?'" Rameau told local news. Rameau said she thought a bomb had gone off, but she soon discovered the actual cause of the noise and flying debris was an 80-pound life raft that had fallen onto her home from Royal Canadian Air Force CH-146 Griffon helicopter. The Royal Canadian Air Force said the helicopter had been en route to a U.S. Coast Guard Air Station in Opa-Locka for a training exercise when the raft detached. David Lavallee, a Royal Canadian Air Force spokesman, said the cause of the raft's fall is under investigation. He said the air force plans to help Rameau "with accommodations and other support." Miami-Dade Fire Rescue crews said the uninflated six-seat raft was in the bedroom of the home when they arrived.


*-- Man Risks Death By Not Pooping For 40 Days --*

A man has been holding in a bowel movement for over 40 days, seriously risking his own health. Lamarr Chambers was pulled over by police on the January 17 after a chase in Essex, UK, the BBC report. When they looked in his car "officers saw him moving his head towards his hand as if he was eating something." Though the defendant says this was chicken, the police believe he has swallowed drugs. He has since been placed in a cell with a modified toilet that would allow the police to search for any evidence in his stool. Since his arrest he has gone on a "toilet strike" and is refusing to take a poop, restricting his meal intake in order to prevent the inevitable according to prosecutors, though his defense lawyers argue he is genuinely trying to evacuate his bowels. So far he has smashed the previous record of holding in a bowel movement in police custody, which is believed to be 32 days, according to the BBC.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Lewis, I'm being both punny and serious when I say that the degree of animal cruelty that Mr. Guzman et al showed when they hurt that poor hooved creature *really* gets my goat. -Lily

As others have said, I hope BN keeps coming as e-mail. I have been a reader since even before ShagMail/GopherCentral and I rarely use Facebook. Keep it going, Lewis! -Chris
[Wow! Somebody who remembers the ShagMail days. That was a crazy time. The Internet was kind of like the wild west back then. We finally changed the company name because too many people kept thinking 'Shag' was a reference to f*cking.]

So the guy with the foot fetish was charged with “obtaining property by fraud”. What property, toe jam? -Jerry
[I don't know. Maybe he stole their socks.]

Lewis. As long as you don't go away. And I always thought BN would be what I want to share with those people I grew up with - and some days was just satisfied that I had you for my electronic self! BTW - your discussion of gun ownership last year(?) was the best ever. THANK YOU! I've had 2 glasses of wine - so may be a bit maudlin. Keep up the good work and thanks to your crew also.
[I've always thought that slightly buzzed was the best way to read Bizarre News.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*