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Friday, March 2, 2018

Good morning crew,

The wife has a little adventure planned for us tonight. Last week she sent me an email with a link to what looks like a bar, or maybe a liquor store, and asked me if I was interested in having dinner there.

"In a liquor store?" I asked.

"It's not a liquor store," she answered, "it's more like a distributor. And it's not just dinner, it's a party. They're introducing a new whiskey, so we have to reserve tickets."

"I get it, it's a whiskey tasting with food."

"It's more than a tasting, the ticket price includes a bottle of their new whiskey."

"I'm in." I told her.

So it's going to be a bit of a gamble. I have been to some very nice parties that have been hosted in breweries and other industrial spaces.

Or, it could be a damp, smelly warehouse with mouse turds on the floor and furnished with folding chairs. But I've sat though worse for a bottle of decent whiskey.

I'll find out what we're in for in about 8 hours.

Laugh it up,


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"The CEO of SeaWorld has stepped down. He's going to be getting a $10 million retirement package - if he can jump up and catch it with his mouth." -Conan O'Brien


"The University of Texas has decided to allow students to carry guns in the classroom. The school says it's a guaranteed way to prevent the possibility of a pop quiz." -Seth Meyers


"Whole Foods is looking into the idea of putting tattoo parlors in their grocery stores. Even so, the people walking out of Whole Foods with the biggest sense of regret will still be whoever just paid $8 for an apple." -Jimmy Fallon


Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs.

My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation.

"I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager.

"Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?"

"Autumn," he replied.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Longtime friends were celebrating their 50th anniversary. One of their sons gave a loving toast, finishing with, "and thank you for having such a beautiful marriage."

"Thank you for making it necessary," the father joked.

In the silence that followed, his wife whispered, "Not him. He's the second son."