Thursday, March 1, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I hobbled into the office all hunched over and in pain.
"What happened, TZ?" Marzee, the editor of our Daily Recipe list asked.
"I blew out my back."
"Oh, you poor dear!" she said empathetically while hurrying over to lend me a hand. "How?"
"Well, I was showing my wife how I wanted her to put her ankles when we make love, and kablooey, searing pain... You know, the first ankle went behind my head pretty easily. It was the second one that did me in."
"I know, I know," she said, nodding her head understandingly.
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"The Number 1 reason that prospective applicants are rejected from the show 'The Bachelor' is herpes. Apparently, you can't get on the show if you don't have it." -Conan O'Brien
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest prostitute in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $20 on her.
The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has the crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner so he marches over and says, "Hey! You gave me the crabs last night!"
The hooker replies, "What did you expect for 20 bucks, lobster?"
"A mail carrier in Florida is refusing to deliver mail to a nudist community. He said, 'Sorry, but I'm just tired of seeing people's packages.'" -Jimmy Fallon
After many years of bachelorhood, this older gent finds and marries a beautiful young lady. On their honeymoon night she slips into a sheer negligee and a comfortable bed as he goes into the bathroom to prepare himself for glory.
Five minutes go by. Ten minutes go by. Concerned, the bride goes into the bathroom, where she finds her aged husband furiously masturbating.
She smiles and says, "You're married now. You don't have to do that anymore."
Her husband looks at her a bit bewildered and says, "Oh, I forgot."