Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 



Monday, February 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

I have given a name to the pain and misery in my life, and he is the snow plow driver.

Friday morning it took my nearly two hours to shovel my way out of my driveway and right in the middle of it the snow plow driver came barreling down my street at 20 miles-per-hour and sent a wave of slushy snow at least six feet up the driveway. But at that point I really didn't think it was personal.

Of course, when I got home around 6 that night the snow plow driver had been and gone again, probably several times, this time trapping me OUT of my driveway with a good 12-inch berm of frozen snow.

With my truck idling on the street I spent another back-breaking 45 minutes shoveling a path back into my garage.

Saturday morning I was dumbfounded to find the driveway plowed in again. It had only snowed a couple of inches over night! Where was this guy finding all of the snow? He must have spent half the night pushing from all around the neighborhood just to pile it in my driveway.

But, the wife was due to come home that afternoon (she had spent the night house and pet sitting for some clients) so there was nothing else to do but get the shovel out yet again.

When I got up Sunday morning and looked out of my bedroom window I saw that it had snowed again. I knew what that meant without even going outside. But at that point I didn't care. I had had it. I was done. Finished. Kaput. I've got a truck. I can just drive over it.

But the wife didn't want to give up on the job, so she geared up and trooped outside to battle the snow.

It took about 30 minutes before guilt drove me to put on my boots and coat and go out to join her. It was like I had never touched a shovel all weekend. The only testament to all my labor were the mountains of snow, chin-high, on either side of the driveway, but the driveway itself was barricaded by boulder-like chunks of frozen snow 40-pounds each, if they were an ounce.

That was pretty much my entire weekend. I did a measurement in my yard where the snow hadn't really drifted and it was 14 inches deep. 14 inches, but about 10 feet ended up in my driveway.

That's deliberate is what that is.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien

***

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"