Friday, February 9, 2018

Good morning crew,

Snow! It started last night and we've got about six inches so far, and it's still coming down. I spent about 2 hours shoveling this morning and I'll probably have another hour or two tonight.

Well, at least I have an excuse to skip the health club.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Doritos is reportedly looking into launching a so-called lady-friendly chip that doesn't crunch as loudly. Because there's no more appropriate snack for the #MeToo era than a chip that tells women to be quiet." -Seth Meyers

***
"A new study found that the amount of man-made heat that's absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. The main source of that heat? That kid who's waist deep at the beach with that weird smile on his face." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"I read today Best Buy and Target are planning to stop selling CDs in their stores. To which I say: Best Buy and Target are still selling CDs? For those too young to remember, CDs were these shiny discs that would get scratched almost immediately and would sit in a binder of the back seat of the car until you sold the car." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.

Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator."

To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'