Thursday, January 25, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
You know, I keep reading stories about how everybody hates congress because they are completely gridlocked. They can't even keep the government running for more than a couple weeks at a time.
My question is, why is that a bad thing?
Do you know how many federal laws there are in the United States? No, you don't. No one knows how many laws there are. Literally! There is no agency in the federal government that knows how many laws are on the books, but they have been accumulating for more than 200 years.
When federal laws were first codified in 1927, they fit into a single volume. Today there are over 50 volumes filling 10 shelves in the Library of Congress, and every year they pass more.
The thing to remember is that usually when Congress passes a law it is designed to either take more of your money or more of your freedom.
So why would people be bleating on the Internets and complaining to pollsters that Congress can't get anything done?
Would you write a letter to the editor of a newspaper complaining that you haven't gotten mugged all year and asking why the criminals aren't more productive?
Trust me, the less politicians do, the better.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: email@example.com
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"In an interview, former porn star Stormy Daniels said she had an affair with Donald Trump in 2006. To which Stormy's shocked husband said, 'Wait, you told me I was your first!'" -Conan O'Brien
Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?"
The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two pickets to Titsburgh'."
The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH.'"
"Rum maker Bacardi announced yesterday that it is acquiring Patron Spirits for $5.1 billion. And like most Bacardi announcements, it was shouted at 5 a.m. in the back seat of an Uber." -Seth Meyers
A teacher in a one-room schoolhouse arrives one morning to find a nice red apple on her desk with a tag on it saying T.O.T.
Knowing that she had some not-so-nice pranksters in her class, she cautiously asked, "Can someone explain what T.O.T. means?"
Mary in the front row raised her hand to explain it means "To Our Teacher."
The next morning the teacher finds a bigger and prettier apple than the day before. This time there is a tag with T.O.T.W.L . written on it.
She asks for an explanation for this note and little Johnny waves his hand to explain, "That means "To Our Teacher With Love".
The next morning she arrives to find a great big watermelon sitting on her desk with a tag saying " F.U.C.K."
Her jaw drops and she screams. "Who can explain this?"
Little Buckwheat in the back row raises his hand and says, "that means, 'From Us Colored Kids.'"