GopherCentral.com Powered By PulseTV.com

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Good morning crew,

A week before New Year's Eve about ten people were committed to going out with the wife and me, but by the morning of the 31st everyone had backed out.

Last week about 8 people told the wife they were going to the dance party at her school, but after everybody found out I was going it ended up being just her and me again.

I'm starting to think one of us must really be unpopular.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"Good news for Washington - the government shutdown is over. The bad news for us - our government is back to work." -Conan O'Brien

***

"A new report found that 20 percent of people over 45 had to dip into their retirement savings last year. And the other 80 percent said, 'retirement savings?'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"According to a new report, by 2050, the world's oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There's plenty of trash in the sea." -Seth Meyers

***

One night at about 3 a.m. my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.

She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.

This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side.

The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

Top Viewed Issues