Monday, January 22, 2018

Good morning crew,

We were lucky enough to get a couple inches of rain here in the greater Chicagoland area last night and today. I say lucky because if it were 10 degrees colder that inch or two of rain would have turning into about 2 feet of snow.

And it's a lot easier to shovel 2 inches of rain than 2 feet of snow.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window?" -Seth Meyers

***
"Professional race car driver Danica Patrick is dating again, after breaking up with her previous boyfriend, a NASCAR driver. When asked why that relationship didn't work out, Patrick explained, 'We were just going in circles.'" -Conan O'Brien

***
We had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, "Hey Mom...what's this?"

"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.

"Well what does it do?" they asked.

"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.

"WOW!" they exclaimed, "that's really cool...but how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?"

"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."

"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.

"It doesn't need batteries either." she continued.

"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all."