Thursday, January 18, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I read an article the other day about some general rules you should follow if you are in a relationship with a bipolar person. The article was called, '5 Rules to Follow When You Are In a Relationship with a Bipolar Person.'
It was the usual psycho-masturbational pablum like; 'Don't engage with irrational behavior' and 'Don't judge a person because of isolated bipolar episodes' and 'beer before liquor, never sicker.'
But the last so-called 'rule' really threw me.
It was, 'You are entitled to happiness.'
Who the fuck came up with that? Because in reality, you aren't 'entitled' to shit.
Even the founding fathers 500 years ago (or whenever...I got a C minus in history and I'm too lazy to look it up) wrote that we have a right to the 'pursuit' of happiness. Not happiness. Because if I have a right to happiness I have been getting screwed for decades.
And this, I think, is the root of so many of our problems today as a people, as a culture, as a civilization. Everybody is a pussy. This misconception that there is some sort of inherent, intrinsic 'right' to happiness is so ubiquitous it is even showing up in tabloid tripe about relationships. And it is so completely not true as to be almost the exact opposite of reality.
No wonder why everybody is pissed off and psychotic all the time. Everybody believes they are being cheated out of some sort of happiness that is owed to them somehow.
Trust me, if you resign yourself to the fact that you are going to be disappointed and dissatisfied and taken advantage of most of the time, you'll live a much more contented life.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: email@example.com
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"With the president being 6'3" and 239 pounds, according to the body mass index Trump is overweight and just one pound shy of obesity. One pound short of being obese - that's awfully convenient. 'Listen, Doc, I feel like this wad of cash is about one pound, why don't you take that off my hands and weigh me again?'" -Stephen Colbert
A psychiatrist was conducting family therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with sweets. So much so you even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on Dick, we're leaving, this guy has no idea what he's talking about."
"A new book about why women have sex claims that women's reasons differ from pleasure to obligation to even 'feeling sorry for the guy.' After hearing this, men everywhere said, 'Whatever...'" -Conan O'Brien
The day it all started was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo, and walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort.
William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving towards the Alamo.
With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim, are we, by chance, having any landscaping done today?"