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Monday, January 8, 2018

Good morning crew,

Last year the wife spent a small fortune to buy me an Xbox One game system for Christmas. It was pretty exciting because I'm an Xbox fan but I'm way too cheap to blow that kind of coin on a system myself.

After a bit of trial and error figuring out how to get the stupid system to work (if you are interested you can read about that by clicking the link here...)

Fun and games on Christmas

I went out and bought the new Batman game and spent every night for the following month making Gotham safe from Scarecrow and the Arkham Knight.

Since then I haven't touched the thing.

I think it irks the wife that she spent almost a car payment on the Xbox and all it's been doing for the last 11 months is collecting dust. So for Christmas this year she bought me a new game called 'Shadow of Mordor'.

Unfortunately, now she's annoyed because I've been spending every night since Christmas sneaking though Mordor and terrorizing the evil orcs, and she can't watch Dancing with the Stars, Genital Hospital, and her other shows.

Well, in the last two weeks I've finished about half the game, so it won't last too much longer.

She needs to be a little more patient, like me. I bought her a coffee maker for Christmas and she uses that thing every single day. And you don't hear me complaining.

Laugh it up,


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"Thanks to Congress, meat producers no longer have to tell consumers where their meat comes from. Upon hearing this, Arby's said, 'Waaay ahead of you, man.'" -Conan O'Brien


"China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah, a Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"There's a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you're too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?" -Jimmy Kimmel


Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging for some change. I pulled out 8 cents and gave it to her. She stood there with $2 and 8 cents. She looked bewildered, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she burst into tears.

The incident got me thinking about how our kids were learning math in school.... (or not).

Teaching Math In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers)

Teaching Math In The 2000s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Goldman Sachs determine that his profit margin is $60?

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"

"I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."