Sunday, January 7, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The office has been suffering a bit of lottery fever lately. The last jackpot rolled over and it is now up to $450 brazilian. So, naturally, they started an office pool.
The girls (and Clean Laffs Joe) were sitting around talking about what they would do with their lives if they won the jackpot.
"I would take a couple of years and travel around the world." said one.
"I would buy a ranch in Montana or Colorado with 50 acres or so." said another.
"I would buy a bowling alley." said a third.
At that point I had to interject. "A bowling alley? Why in the world would you want to own a bowling alley?"
"Duh! Because then I would get a 50 percent discount at the pro shop!"
True story, I swear to God,
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They say there's more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning. That's why I always send my wife.
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman passes them. She's 5'9", 125 lbs, 38-24-36, wearing a string bikini with no tan lines.
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly and in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a lesbian."
In 1850 California became a state. Back then, the state had no electricity, no money, there were gun fights in the middle of the streets, and almost everyone spoke Spanish. So it was just like California today. Only back then the women had real tits.
Jacob considers himself to be one of the lucky ones because he's the only one of his family to have survived two years in a Nazi concentration camp. He's now nearing 90 and his only remaining joy is the national lottery, which he's been playing for years without success. But then he wins the big one, a prize of $10 million.
A journalist from the Times calls on him for a story.
Jacob tells him, "As I'm the only one in my family to have survived the concentration camps, this has helped me decide how to make use of my large win. So, I've decided to donate $5 million to the Save the Children Fund, $3 million to the Simon Wiesenthal Centre, $750,000 to the Jewish Museum, $750,000 Hadassah Hospital and $500,000 to be shared amongst my friends. I'm also thinking of donating $1 to the Nazi Party from my winnings."
The journalist is surprised. "But Jacob, how can you think of donating even $1 to the Nazi party after everything that's happened to you and your family?"
Jacob rolls up his sleeve, points to his arm and replies, "It's only fair. They gave me the winning numbers."