Thursday, January 4, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
My New Year's Resolution was not to be so much of a pig. That lasted about 96 hours.
The other morning I ran into our Human Resources/Accounting girl and resident MILF in the office kitchen putting her lunch away in the fridge.
As she pulled a pear out of her purse I was struck with a moment of twisted genius. Before I could stop myself I said, "Hey, nice pair! And that piece of fruit looks pretty tasty too."
If we had any kind of a code of conduct around here I would be in real trouble. Well, maybe I'll start my resolution tomorrow.
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"A new company is offering customers a chance to cut their hotel bills in half if they are willing to share their room with a stranger. The company is called Jose Cuervo." -Seth Meyers
A student asked his English professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma?"
The professor said, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.
"Imagine that you are lying naked in a big bed, flat on your back with a beautiful naked young woman on one side, and a horny naked gay man on the other.
"Now, which one are you going to turn your back on?"
"A new study came out and it claims that women would be better off going to bed two hours before men. The study was paid for by guys who want to watch porn." -Conan O'Brien
A dog lover, whose bitch was 'in heat' agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while they were away on holiday.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep one night, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious stress and unable to disengage, as can sometimes happen when they mate.
She was unable to separate them and was worried as what to do next. Although it was late at night, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the Vet advised, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the sound of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked doubtfully.
"Why not? It just did for me." He replied.