January 03, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm busy giving up on New Years Resolutions so how about some jokes? And how about some New Years Resolutions for Pets? Oh, you're welcome!

Hey, pets are people, too. Wait, what? I'm so very tired.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- New Years Resolutions for Pets --*

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.

14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND

*-- I Think I'm A Dog --*

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog."

Doctor: "Lie down on the couch."

Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?

A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.


Q: What does a pessimistic Rooster say?

A: Cock-a-doodle-don't.