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Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Good morning crew,

Last week I came home, opened a beer, sat down on the sofa and just put my head in my hands.

"What's wrong?" asked the wife.

"Ah, nothing, in particular," I said. "I just can't wait for the next two weeks to be over."

"You are, like, the third person I've heard say that. What is wrong with you people? Come on! It's the holidays! Christmas! New Year's! Parties and presents! It's time to be thankful, have fun and celebrate!"

"I know, I know," I groused, "I just don't like all of the work that's involved in doing all of this celebrating.

"When I'm obligated to have fun it's no fun at all."

Laugh it up,


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"I was thinking about Santa Claus. When you really think about it, this has to be the biggest, most elaborate prank in the history of the world. It's like we're all in on a huge joke we're playing on kids. And eventually they figure it out and they start lying to their kids, too." -Jimmy Kimmel


"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." -Matt Groening


"There was an 11-hour power outage at the airport in Atlanta yesterday. And people were stranded on the tarmac for six hours. Don't worry, though, flight attendants came through every hour with a thimble-size cup of room temperature water." -Jimmy Fallon


The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor. Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demanding, "Who did that? Who did that?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test. We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?"