Friday, December 22, 2017

Good morning crew,

We have a bit of a disagreement here in the office. I finally admitted my intention to get my wife a fruit basket for her Christmas present and all of the girls in the office were unanimous in their criticism of this plan.

I said, "That's not ALL I'm going to get her. I'll probably get her some pajamas or a pair of gloves or something, too."

"That's not the point," said Michele. "A fruit basket just isn't intimate."

"What are you talking about?!" I argued. "A fruit basket is very intimate. A fruit basket says, 'I care about your colon.' What could be more intimate than that?"

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"

I said, "I don't know, look around, listen to the radio" --Bill Braudis

***
"I filled out a rental application that asked, 'Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?' Couldn't they just have said 'waterbed'? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture are there? 'Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?'" --Lisa Goich

***
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person." --P. J. O'Rourke

***
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.

One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass."

"Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration.

"Madison chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed.

"Wow," said my son, "if you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial."