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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Good morning crew,

Tomorrow is the solstice, that is; the first day of winter. It also means it is the shortest day and the longest night of the year (unless you use meteorological reckoning which defines winter as the three calendar months with the lowest average temperatures; those being December, January and February).

The plus side is that after tomorrow the days start to get longer by about a minute a day, on average. That's a real psychological boost when you feel like your day ends at 4:30 because the sun is going down but it isn't 'over' until 7:30 or so.

I feel like I'm falling behind by about three hours a day and it's giving me real anxiety attacks.

Fortunately I have all of the holiday shopping, expenses and running around to help relax me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study found that parents who only have daughters are more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Hundreds of flights were cancelled today at the world's busiest airport in Atlanta due to a massive power outage yesterday. Experts are saying this could lead to as many as 30 texts from your mother." Seth Meyers

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"Christmas is a strange holiday. It's Jesus' birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook." Jimmy Kimmel

***

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence with two words. Ten years go by and it's one monk's first chance to speak. He thinks for a while before saying, "Food bad."

Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard."

A decade later and it's the big day again. He gives the head monk a long stare and finally says, "I quit."

"I'm not surprised," the head monk says. "You've been complaining ever since you got here."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead."

One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight."