Friday, December 15, 2017

Good morning crew,

So we actually got our Christmas tree up and decorated this week with surprisingly little drama.

Last year (the last two years, actually) the wife had picked out 6-and-a-half and 7-foot gargantuans that scraped our 8 foot ceilings and dominated the living room. The few strings of lights and boxes of ornaments we have were barely noticeable in all that thick, piney greenery.

But with the little 5-footer she picked out this year the ornaments are so dense you can barely see the branches. I kind of like it.

This weekend we have to get our few outside decorations up. It's a little pathetic. We only have enough twinkle lights to cover one bush, plus two illuminated Christmas dogs which are really hard to even see unless you are just about standing on top of them. But we don't want to be the only Scrooges on the block with nothing outside!

Since today is payday I might carve a few bucks out of the beer budget and go to the decorating warehouse to get something a little more extravagant.

I'll count it as a Christmas gift for the wife.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A family in Florida took their Elf on the Shelf to the ER after their dog tore it apart, and the doctors were able to save it. While the guy in the next room was like, 'Don't worry - my broken leg will be just fine! You take care of that elf!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus." -Conan O'Brien

***
"Some parenting experts are suggesting that the holiday tradition of the elf on the shelf may actually be harmful to children. So instead just take them to the mall and let them sit on a weird old dude's lap." -Seth Meyers

***
The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:

"I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence.

As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'"

"So I took up a collection."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."

"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her."

"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."