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Friday, December 8, 2017

Good morning crew,

I know I'm tired when I'm too tired to drink beer. Wednesday night when I got home I opened a bottle of beer to have with my dinner (canned tuna on whole wheat with spinach and potato chips).

Then afterward I thought to myself, 'I'm a fully employed adult, my bills are paid, it's before ten o'clock, I don't care that it's the middle of the week; I'm gonna have another beer.'

So I opened another bottle, sat down in front of the TV, took a sip and promptly fell asleep.

But don't worry, it didn't go to waste. When the wife got home later that night she put it in the fridge and made me finish drinking it the next day.

She said she didn't care how long I sat there, but I had to finish my beer or I couldn't have any scotch.

Laugh it up,


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"An Italian winery is releasing five limited-edition bottles of Hello Kitty-themed wine for the holiday season. It’s the perfect gift for your alcoholic niece." -Seth Meyers


"Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom." -Conan O'Brien


"A brewery in Oregon is coming out with a new Sriracha-flavored beer. That's right, beer that tastes like hot sauce. They said it's the perfect beverage for finding out if you're an alcoholic: 'There's only one beer left and it has hot sauce in it - just give it to me!'" -Jimmy Fallon


A man is sitting in a fancy restaurant when his food finally arrives at his table. As the plate is being served the man notices the waiter has his thumb resting on the edge of his steak.

"Umm, excuse me," the man says, "but I couldn't help but notice you had your thumb on my steak."

"Yes, I know, sir," the waiter responds, "but I didn't want to drop it again."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys."

His father replied, "No, your mother was talking about her side of the family."