Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Good morning crew,
Payday today. So I'm heading off to the bank to see if there is any money left in my account. I'm not real hopeful, but I've been surprised before.
If I'm not careful with my spending over the next few paychecks the wife won't be getting her Christmas fruit basket.
Laugh it up,
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"Researchers say that they've figured out how to get around Apple's new face-scanning security feature. They did it by using a mask that mimics the user's face. The mask they used is made of plastic, silicone, and makeup. Or as they call that here in Los Angeles, a face." -James Corden
"A new study found that ancient cave art from 40,000 years ago was mostly done by women. So even back then men didn't have a say in decorating." -Jimmy Fallon
"A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. "Not again..."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
The man quickly answered. "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."