Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Good morning crew,

I felt so guilty about not decorating for the little kids yesterday, that I bolted home right after work and began frantically pulling out Halloween supplies.

I have been accumulating them for over three years now, it would have been a real waste not to make some use of them.

The last couple years I have done a small graveyard on the front lawn complete with illumination and cobwebs, but yesterday I only had about 30 minutes in between when I got home and when the trick-or-treaters were to start showing up.

That gave me just enough time to pull out my life-sized, posable plastic skeleton, a couple polystyrene tombstones and some wire bendy spiders to create a diorama on the front porch. I don't know if it made any difference to the few little kids who actually came to my door, but I got a kick out of it.

As for the kids, they were few and far between. Probably no more than 15 showed up the entire night. Maybe Halloween is losing its charm. The kids have certainly lost a lot of their enthusiasm for it.

When I was a youngster the protocol was to walk up to a door and scream 'Trick-or-treat' as loud as humanly possible. That was usually enough to bring a homeowner to the door. If that didn't work the follow up was to knock on the door or ring the doorbell, and when the homeowner answered, then scream trick-or-treat.

Last night almost all of the kiddies just went straight for the doorbell. But at least I got a half-hearted 'trick-or-treat' when I answered the door, except for one little girl. She rang the doorbell and when I opened the door and stuck my head out she just looked at me.

We stared at each other for about ten seconds - a good ten seconds - until I finally said, "Can I help you?"

She said, "Uhhh... Halloween?" Like I was a foreigner who had never heard of the concept.

So I told her, "Yes, that's right."

What can I say, I'm a stickler for convention.

Finally, she let out an exasperated, 'Uh' and said, "Trick-or-treat?"

"Oh, trick-or-treat!" I gushed. "In that case you better have a treat." And gave her a candy.

Hey, if you want the reward you gotta put in the work.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's responsible for this!' And her professor said, 'Don't you mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles-an-hour." -Conan O'Brien

***
"A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called 'New Yorker milkshake' which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you'll get is a coffin lid." -Seth Meyers


***
Conflicting Proverbs

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

A silent man is a wise one.
A man without words is a man without thoughts.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Clothes make the man.
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd


It's no wonder we're all confused.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Doctor Jones likes to stop into his local bar after work for an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"

And Dick says, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."