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Monday, October 30, 2017

Good morning crew,

Here it is, about 24 hours until Halloween and I still haven't done any decorating yet. I'm beginning to think I'm not going to have time for it this year.

Well, the important part is to have plenty of sugar on hand to appease the gangs of pint-sized, itinerant candy extortionists who will be working my neighborhood tomorrow.

I figure if I shoot it though the mail slot in the door with a sling shot I won't have to have any contact with those prepubescent blackmailers at all!

Laugh it up,


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"A Japanese company created a $150 noise-canceling ramen fork to cover up slurping noises. So, if you've got 150 bucks to spend on a fork - why are you eating ramen?" -Jimmy Fallon


"A fast food restaurant in Australia is celebrating Halloween by offering a hamburger in a blue bun, sprinkled with real ants and worms. Or as Arby's calls that, 'The No. 6.'" -Conan O'Brien


"Amazon is introducing a new service called Amazon Key, which will allow delivery men to open your front door and put packages directly inside your house. I don't have a joke here. I just wanted to tell you how you're going to be murdered. Sleep tight, folks." -James Corden


The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf, you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby;

(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday!

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else."

But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it.

"That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertainment in our bedroom at all!"