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Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Good morning crew,

The wife and I had the carpets in our house cleaned last weekend. That was a project. We used to have this optimism that we would have the carpets professionally cleaned every year, because we were new home-owners and we weren't going to live in a pigsty like some kind of animals. Maybe pigs. That lasted about a year.

After that we decided an occasional once-over with the vacuum cleaner was probably good enough.

But lately a vague 'locker room' atmosphere began to creep into the house so we made an appointment for the carpet guy to come over at a bright and early 9 a.m. Sunday morning.

Of course, we didn't make any preparations Saturday night, because we were out with some friends, so at 7:30 in the morning we got up and with the energy and enthusiasm imbued by 6 hours of sleep we began moving furniture.

Dressers, end tables, sofas, beds, desks and chairs all got dragged and stuffed into the basement or out on the back patio. It was just like moving, except no truck. But, by a small miracle we got most of everything moved off of the carpeted areas by the time the carpet guy arrived and he was able to clean the place in less than two hours.

It definitely smells better in there now. Unfortunately, since we had to let the place dry almost the entire day Sunday, we still haven't moved most of the furniture back to where it belongs. The last three mornings I have had to go searching for clean underwear in the guest bathroom where all of my dresser drawers are stacked.

Now I'm wondering what it would cost to have the carpets torn up and hard wood installed.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen?" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Scientists in northern California and Oregon found that marijuana gardens are threatening the salmon population. I don't see the problem, really. Everyone loves baked salmon." -Seth Meyers

***

"Archaeologists believe they have found the tomb of St. Nicholas beneath an ancient church in Turkey. St. Nicholas, of course, is the basis for the legend of Santa Claus. And they think they found him. Which means now when my son asks me if Santa is real, I can confidently say, 'Yes! He is dead though. That's why you didn't get that bike.'" -James Corden

***

A pretty young blonde stood at the bank cashier's window and smiled. "I'd like to cash this check, please," she said, handing it over.

The teller examined the check and said: "Could you identify yourself, Miss?"

For a moment the lovely girl's brow creased over, then with a bright look she fumbled in her handbag and producing a mirror, glanced in it and with relief said, "Yes! It's me, all right!"

The clerk said, "No Ma'am, you misunderstood me. We require a photo identification."

The girl searched her bag again and found a picture with a group of people. "This is a recent family photo," she explained. "That's me, third from the left."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

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