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Sunday, October 8, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I'll tell you why I love my wife. She's an attractive woman, but there are women who are sexier. She's educated, but there are women who are smarter.

No, the reason I love my wife is the way she thinks.

We were driving the other day and she pointed out a personalized license plate to me. It was a big pick-up truck with a Harley Davidson bumper sticker and those bullet hole decals on the back window. The license plate read: DRT BAG.

The wife turned to me and asked, straight-faced, "Why would anyone want the license plate Dr. T-Bag?"

That's my wife,


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"A company in California will unveil the world's first talking sex robot in January. Because that's what people who buy sex robots want: follow-up questions." -Seth Meyers

As I slipped my finger inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger out and in seconds she was going down on me.

"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.

"I saw that Epcot just celebrated its 35th anniversary. It was also the 35th anniversary of the first dad sneaking off to get drunk in Germany." -Jimmy Fallon

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."