Thursday, October 5, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I saw a story today about a transgender elementary school teacher who sued her (or his) school district because the administration would not call her (or him) by her (or his) preferred pronoun.
She (he) claimed employees persisted in calling her (or him) hateful and insensitive terms like 'miss' and 'lady'. The monsters.
Because of this torture she (or he) won a $60,000 settlement!
That just pisses me off. I am getting sick and tired, SICK and TIRED, of missing out on this money train! I have been misunderstood my entire life. Where is my Goddamned check?
So, I have come to a decision. I am a woman now. I demand to be referred to as Tina, and when appropriate; she and her (Sweetcheeks and Honey are also acceptable, no reason to stand on formality).
And I already have a Jewish lawyer for when that completely fails to happen.
All I have to do now is convince my wife to turn lesbian.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"Today President Trump flew to Puerto Rico. He was like, 'These conditions are horrible! How can anyone live like this?' Then an aide said, 'Sir, this is LaGuardia. We're just refueling.'" -Jimmy Fallon
One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school."
The father replies, "OK, go ask your mother if she would sleep with a strange man for 1 million dollars."
So the little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes.
His dad says, "Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a strange man for a million dollars."
He does and sure enough she says yes.
So the father says, "You see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million bucks, but realistically we are living with a couple of whores."
"This is a real product: Spanx arm tights. You might be familiar with their other name, which is sleeves. Spanx is always coming out with new and exciting body parts for women to feel ashamed of." -Jimmy Kimmel
A young boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead puppy. He goes to the pimp and asks for the girl with the most venereal diseases. The pimp is surprised but doesn't want to turn down the money, so he gives the boy his personal bottom bitch.
After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the STDs. The boy answers:
"When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat, and I'll fuck her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman...
AND THAT'S THE SON Of A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY DOG!"