Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Good morning crew,

Nobody tell my wife, but I actually got hit on last week. That's something that hasn't happened in years. And it was a real life, actual woman, too!

Saturday afternoon/evening the wife and I and my brother Nino and his wife Marianne stopped by our little, local Oktoberfest to check out the live music and the bill of fare.

At one point the ladies dispatched Nino and I to the beer tent for another round of refreshment. When we got to the front of the line we found a determined-looking, middle-aged woman pouring pints with the single-minded concentration of a person who knows she has a long night ahead of her.

But when she looked up at me her eyes brightened fractionally and she said, "Well, hi!"

Displaying my talent for sparkling and engaging conversation I responded, "Hi back at ya."

Then she threw me for a bit of a loop, because without preamble she came right out and said, "Are you single?"

I guess her slight breach of social etiquette can be forgiven considering the 20 or 30 people in line still waiting to be served.

But not wanting to pass up this unusual opportunity I answered, "Well, that depends."

"Depends? On what?"

"On whether it'll get me a free drink."

She said, "No."

So I told her, "Then sorry, I'm not single."

And that was it. Her momentary ember of interest in me faded immediately. Flirting sure has changed since I was single.

Walking back to our table with the drinks Nino asked me, "What would you have done if she said, 'Sure, I'll give you a free beer'?"

I told him, "Free beer is free beer. I think the wife would understand."

"Would understand what? If you told her you had a date later tonight?"

"Well, if I told her she could come along, yeah, maybe."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, 'You wanna say that to my face?'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Some historians now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife. They also believe that Jesus' nephew called Jesus' wife the "Auntie Christ.'" -Conan O'Brien

***
"Fast-food chain Arby's is serving a limited-edition Cookie Butter Milkshake. And any customers who order it will also be limited-edition." -Seth Meyers

***
Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"

"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere.

So we asked, "How are you taking it?"

Her reply, "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"