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Friday, September 29, 2017

Good morning crew,

Payday today. By some miracle I have actually managed to pay all of my bills on time this month, so with the few shekels I have left over I think I'll take the wife out to dinner tonight.

I was thinking of either going to our favorite local seafood place for martinis and a dozen oysters on the half, followed by a tuna tartar with Asian slaw, or maybe the blackened salmon steak served with andouille sausage in a creole sauce and steamed jasmine rice.

Or...

Our community is hosting their own little Oktoberfest this year and it just so happens to be opening tonight just a mile down the street from our house. They will be doing the ceremonial keg tapping tonight, but I don't know if the wife is recovered enough from last week for another round of bratwursts, pretzels and dunkelbier.

We'll see. She's tougher than she looks.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Last night, a Republican named Luther Strange lost Alabama Senate primary. So now, 'Luther Strange'' will go back to his old job - a villain in a Batman comic." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as 'single.'" -Conan O'Brien

***

"The Dallas Cowboys knelt before the national anthem as a protest, but then stood while it was being played. Their half-protest still upset many people. Conservatives immediately blasted the move, saying it disrespected the sacred minutes before the national anthem which are for using the restroom and buying nachos." -James Corden

***

Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom.

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunk Nun again is it?"

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