Thursday, September 21, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
So tomorrow is the first full day of autumn and I'm pissed at myself for letting so many opportunities to play golf this summer slip by.
Pretty soon golf season is going to be over and then it's going to be masturbation season again. And if I haven't spent enough time over the summer with a golf club in my hand I won't have the kind of pressure I like when I'm jerking it.
Plus, the calluses from lots of golf feel good on my johnson.
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"A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy's." -Jimmy Fallon
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
"A new study came out and it claims that women would be better off going to bed two hours before men. The study was paid for by guys who want to watch porn." -Conan O'Brien
The other day I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend I haven't seen in years. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that old magic.
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. Remember, I'm a bit older, and a bit balder, than when you last saw me."
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days."
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.
"Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself."
So I told her to fuck off.