September 20, 2017
Good Morning Groanies,
I made a mistake over the weekend. I went to the mall.
Stacy needed to return some clothes that she had ordered online and I figured that the boys and I could wander around and maybe go to the Disney and LEGO stores, respectively.
The stores were fine, stocked to the gills with over-priced merchandise. Nice to look at, but not to purchase.
The problem with the mall is its clientele. Lots of weirdos, creepers, goof-balls, and a ton of folks that apparently don't have any mirrors in their homes. Basically, the mall is just a human zoo with a Starbucks and Victoria's Secret.
People stomp around looking and acting like common courtesy and decency are concepts that foreign to human behavior while spending time in public.
It was quite an embarrassing experience. A few times I noticed my boys make faces that expressed nothing short of, "What in the hell is wrong with all of these people?!" And they are indeed asking the correct question.
What has happened to us? Are we just beyond any sort of self awareness? Do we no longer know shame? Can we no longer carry ourselves as a species with self-respect, dignity, and decorum.
Steer clear of the mall, Groanies!
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.
Q: How do locomotives hear?
A: Through the engineers.
*-- Where Were You? --*
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?"
He replied, "Putting on my shoes!"
*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: It wanted to be a watermelon.
Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?
A: You can count on me!