MOUTHPIECE - September 19, 2017

Good Afternoon,

What's good about today? Well, I'll tell you what's good about today. It's today's issue of Mouthpiece. Alright, calm down! I know your excited so enjoy today's edition of the greatest newsletter you are currently looking at.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Instant gratification takes too long."
--Carrie Fisher

"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."
--Steven Wright

"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced."
--Frank Zappa



[m] What's On the Web?
Werner Herzog Motivational Posters are the Best Thing on the Internet
From GOOD: Looking for a little inspiration this afternoon, but don't actually want to be uplifted? Well, then get a boost from the solemn Teutonic prose of legendary filmmaker Werner Herzog via the genius Tumblr project Herzog Inspirationals. Take comfort and advice from the man for whom getting shot in the gut was NBD as you learn about the humble simplicity of the chicken or the inner life of birds.

Visit: Werner Herzog Motivational Posters are the Best Thing on the Internet


Jennifer Lawrence's mother! Isn't the Only Film to Get an F from Audiences
From EW: Here are seven other films to fail audience expectations on opening weekend.

Visit: Jennifer Lawrence's mother! Isn't the Only Film to Get an F from Audiences



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans --*
- Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog.

- Taking me for a walk then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

- Any trick balancing food on my nose.

- Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?

- Getting upset when I sniff your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.

- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not home.

- Taking me to the vet for "The big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

- Doggie Sweaters.

- The sleight of hand, fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

- Leaving the toilet seat down.

***
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