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Friday, September 15, 2017

Good morning crew,

A couple months ago the wife started taking dance classes and boy is she hooked. She's been going three times a week and refuses to tell me what the classes cost. I take that as a bad sign.

Now they've roped her into participating in something they call a 'Showcase'. It's not a competition, and it's not exactly a show. What they do is rent out a ballroom and invite a hundred or so students to come and get evaluated by some professional dance 'experts' that they recruit for the event.

There is a base fee, which covers lunch and the room, and then the students pay by the number of styles they want to be evaluated in. For example; you only pay so much if you just want to do the cha-cha, but you pay twice as much if you want to do the cha-cha AND the foxtrot.

So far the wife has signed up for six dances, and there is an option to add more.

This dance thing is quite a racket.

The Showcase is this Sunday and I have been recruited to go along and act as videographer and arm candy when she needs someone to walk around the floor with in between evaluations.

I have been promised that there is a cash bar.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I heard that Hillary will actually be signing books at a Costco in Connecticut. It's going to be awesome when someone gets to the front and goes, 'Oh, I thought this was the line for cheese samples. I'm sorry. Can you sign a cheese sample?'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, 'We has your son.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"Musician and prospective Senate candidate Kid Rock gave a political speech last night in Detroit and said, 'I love black people and I love white people, too, but neither as much as I love red, white and blue.' Oh, God - he's gonna win." -Seth Meyers

***

Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.

As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.

"Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."

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