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Monday, September 11, 2017

Good morning crew,

I had kind of a weird weekend. Friday night the wife and I went out to eat because there was no food in the house and we didn't feel like shopping.

It was nothing special. We went to one of our local bar/restaurants for hot sandwiches and a couple of drinks. But on the way out we passed a row a slot machines that are so common in bars and restaurants around here these days.

More on a whim than anything else I stopped and popped a tenner into the first machine, and a few spins later I won sixty dollars. Our entire meal, including the tip, was 45. So that was a good bit of luck.

Then Saturday the wife suggested we go to a street fest in one of our neighboring towns out here. They had a couple decent bands playing, plus my wife's mother was to going and she wanted to spend a little quality mother-daughter time with her.

As far as street fests go it was unremarkable, but the bands were pretty good. The headliner is called American English. They're a Beatles cover band and they really get into the act; putting on costumes and playing the parts. So after 5 or 6 beers you can only just barely tell that you're standing on a street corner listening to 4 middle-aged guys from the midwest singing in fake British accents.

But after a couple hours even that got tiring so we starting talking about calling it a night. That's when my mother-in-law suggested stopping into the bar across the street for a nightcap.

I found this unusual since she is a light drinker at the best of times, and she already had 2 strawberry daiquiris at the fest. But I understood when we walked into the place and she led us right past the bar, and straight to the little alcove in back where a row of slot machines stood.

I really tried my best. I must have stood around for a good two minutes watching them gamble before I finally broke down a dug a crumpled up 20 out of my own pocket.

But once again the timing was right because that $20 won me a hundred bucks! And then I did one of the hardest things there is to do; I quit.

So Sunday morning I was in the very unusual position of having more money than I did Friday night. How often does that happen?

The wife on the other hand...

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments." --Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

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"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." --Mark Twain

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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg

***

The boss joined a group of his workers in the company break room and told a joke he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Dewey.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Dewey, the boss said, "What's the matter, Dewey? No sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

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