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Friday, September 8, 2017

Good morning crew,

Promotion testing at the taekwondo school tomorrow. While that is a long and frequently annoying day, it is always fascinating to see how far some of the little kids have progressed since their first day.

We allow kids to start classes pretty young, sometimes as young as four-years-old, and frequently when kids are that young they are timid, shy, and even frightened out of their little wits.

I can't tell you how many times I have had to lead a little kid into the dojang by the hand, while he or she is sniffling and crying, and sit on the floor playing games with them until they are comfortable enough with me to stand up and do a few kicks and maybe a couple of poses.

And then, months later, to see them at promotion testing performing their techniques and routines in front of dozens of strangers, knowing that every last mother's son of them hates my guts now.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Labor Day, in case you don't know history, was established all the way back in 1894 as a way to give Americans an extra day to dread going back to work after the weekend." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Nintendo recently announced that its character Mario is no longer a plumber. Apparently, he was fired after coming to work on mushrooms." -Seth Meyers

***

One morning, I was roaming the aisles of my local supermarket, looking for items on my shopping list and wondering why the graham crackers aren't ever put in the cracker section. In my futile search, I kept running into a guy I'd never seen before. He was wandering up and down the aisles, with an equally lost look on his face.

Somewhere between the pasta and sauces, he looked up at me and said, "I can't find a darned thing in this store!" I knew how he felt, so I asked, "What is it you're looking for?"

He said, "My wife."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I had just stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work and I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29.

The drive-through cashier said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward."

"$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. So I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me.

Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said, "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager.

The manager comes over and I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax.

She said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change.

"HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me."

I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.

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