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Monday, September 4, 2017

Good morning crew,

Happy Labor Day everybody! To celebrate the holiday I have decided to unionize my house. The wife immediately demanded shorter hours, she wants a landscaping service to take care of the lawn and she wants one more 'date night' per month.

I had to refuse pretty much all of that, so she went on strike. She's out on the lawn marching right now.

I tried to take the garbage out this morning and she threw a bottle at me and called me a scab.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a 'swim call,' the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. "Don't worry," he assured me. "You are never more than three miles from land." Then he added, "Straight down."

***

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

***

When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. "How much do you want for the trees?" a young man asked.

***

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

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