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Friday, September 1, 2017

Good morning crew,

Wow. September already. That means the bright, optimistic days of summer are practically over. Even the word is blunt and dull. 'September'. It drops from your lips like a stone.

And now the depression sets in. Every beautiful sunny day I spent indoors, every weekend I did not spend grilling out, every missed opportunity to go to the water park, or a street fest, is going to be a living regret when the cold, gray, barren, rainy days of fall and winter turn life into a dreary, indistinguishable monotony.

But at least we get a three day weekend to say goodbye to summer. Have fun!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"A study found that many types of head lice have mutated and now have become resistant to over-the-counter treatments. The problem has scientists scratching their heads." -Conan O'Brien

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"The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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The teacher in an adult Sabbath class asked a woman to read about the Israelites wandering in the desert.

"The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!'" she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month - until you loathe it."

When the woman finished she paused, looked up and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and when 36 came up she just fainted!"

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