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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Good morning crew,

There was only one casualty during the party Saturday night (other than my carefully planned menu), and that was the wife's butt.

As with any party with more than a few people and more than a little alcohol, the guest bathroom on the first floor was frequently occupied. During one such emergency the wife was forced to go upstairs and use the second floor bathroom.

Nobody thought anything of it. In fact, nobody realized she had gone. Everyone was in the basement watching the fight preliminaries when suddenly a 'boom' rattled the joists over our heads.

Going upstairs to the main floor to investigate I found the wife sitting on the floor with a surprised look on her face.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I fell down the stairs," she said.

"Are you okay?"

She got up experimentally and tested her joints. "I think so," she answered.

"Are you sure?"

But a little twisting and bending assured that nothing was seriously amiss, and thanks to the anesthetic effect of a number of craft beers she was soon back in the swing of things.

That was Saturday night.

Sunday morning I got up and got about the business of cleaning up, which was no small task. But after an hour or two the wife's continued absence became conspicuous.

Going back to the bedroom I found her still in bed. Face down.

"Are you getting up, lazybones?" I asked her.

"I can't get up," came the muffled response from under the pillow. "I think I broke my coccyx."

I took a lot of patience, gentle handling and several pain-killers to get her out of bed and installed on the sofa downstairs, but with a bit of movement some of the pain and stiffness went away and we decided that her coccyx was probably not broken, just bent out of shape a bit.

And I am pleased to report that in the last several days she has improved to the point where she can even sit down, even if it is at a slight angle.

Laugh it up,


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"Today is national dog day. Dogs, as you're probably aware, were widely considered to be man's best friend, until 2007 when the iPhone was invented to replace it." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, 'Timmy.'" -Conan O'Brien


"A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers


One of my first assignments as a trainee in an auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs.

I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other problems. He demanded an explanation.

"The repairs were to the other side," I noted.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A tobacco company sent Dave several packages of cigarettes with the explanation: "We are sending you some of our finest cigarettes. We hope you enjoy them and will want more."

After several months the tobacco company received this reply from Dave: "I got your cigarettes and soaked them in a quart of water which I sprayed on my bug-infested rosebushes. Every bug died!

These cigarettes make best poison ever! Please send me some more next month in case any bugs survived."

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