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Monday, August 28, 2017

Good morning crew,

I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that I did not realize until practically the day before that we had scheduled our little cookout on the day of the big Merryweather vs. McGonagall fight (in my defense the wife picked the date, not me, although I don't know if I would have picked any better date myself).

Consequently, on the day of the party I had barely finished grilling the first round of food (a batch of delicious, crispy chicken wings) when people started talking about going inside and turning on the fight. There is nothing like a $100 million bloodsport to distract from a cookout.

I didn't want to be a bully about it, so eventually we all trooped downstairs into the man cave and turned on the TV.

Well, the entire program, including the preliminary fights, took over three hours, and I thought that everybody had pretty much forgotten about eating when around 8 o'clock someone mentioned running out to White Castle, of all places.

By that time it was already pitch black out, but I was more than ready to fire up the grill again and start in on the ten pounds of sausages, hamburgers, dogs and corn on the cob that I had bought for the occasion, but despite the offer of hand-prepared, prime barbecue, everybody insisted on going out and spending money on greasy cardboard and beef tallow (or whatever they make White Castle burgers out of).

So as far as a cookout, things were pretty much a failure. But on the plus side I now have enough food in the fridge to feed ten people, provided I can eat it all in time.

Laugh it up,


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"Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers


"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over. Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel


"In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don't say this often but I'm going to side with the Saudi government on this one." -Conan O'Brien


At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches.

I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a baby!"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400. I said, "I'd like large bills, please."

She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.

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