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Friday, August 25, 2017

Good morning crew,

About a month ago the wife and I were having lunch at one of our local restaurant/brew pubs when the wife espied a poster on the wall advertising an upcoming 'craft beer fest'.

"That sounds like fun," she said. "We should go."

"That sounds expensive," I answered. "We should skip it."

Holding up the glass I was drinking from I explained, "Each one of these stupid craft beers costs six bucks! Say we go to this 'fest' and drink three each, that's six, times six, you're looking at 36 bucks just for drinks. Plus tip. And we're not going to drink on an empty stomach, so add two meals at ten bucks each, plus tip.

"We can buy a six-pack of this stuff at the liquor store for ten bucks and order a pizza at home for 20. I have just recreated the exact same experience for you at half the price."

Going out with me isn't always a home economics class, I swear.

"It's not the same experience," the wife countered. "You go to a craft beer fest to sample several DIFFERENT kinds of beer, and to be social, and mingle with other beer lovers."

I thought about this for a minute and finally said, "Fine. We'll have our own craft beer fest."

"Yeah, that'll be cheaper," she deadpanned. "Instead of one six pack at ten bucks you're going to buy five or six?"

But the plan was already taking shape in my mind. "No, we'll invite a bunch of people over to the house and tell everyone to bring their favorite craft beer. That way we get a big variety of beers to sample, you get to mingle and be social, and nobody has to spend a lot of money. Especially us.

"I'll throw a few chicken wings and a package of dogs on the grill and bing, bang, boom, craft beer party."

The wife started to warm to the idea. "Hey, maybe we can do a blind tasting! Everybody can vote for their favorite beer and the person who brought the beer that gets the most votes can get a prize or something."

"I wasn't going to make things that complicated, but if you want to organize something like that, sure."

She pulled her phone out and said, "I'll put an invite out and see if anybody's interested."

So tomorrow we have about a dozen people descending the house and I've already spent close to a hundred bucks just on party supplies. And I haven't even gone food shopping yet.

Yeah, this is turning into a brilliant idea on my part.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden

***

"A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called 'This Space for Rent.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah, a Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.

To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.

"Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

"Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

We had to have our garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."

We haven't used Sears repair since.

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