Thursday, August 24, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I recently received the following heart-felt email from a loyal Laff-a-Day reader...


"I've been following you on my computer for a fairly long time, and it seems as if your jokes are becoming increasingly raunchy. Is it possible to submit a few clever clean jokes once in a while? You might not believe it, but sometimes other than dirty jokes are more enjoyable. Believe it; I'm telling you the truth."


Turns out, we have a publication for that very thing. It is called Clean Laffs, and we put the most uptight, anal retentive, self-righteous douche bag we could find in charge of writing it. I think you'll like it.

Just go to www.gophercentral.com and click on Clean Laffs at the top of the page and enter your email address at the bottom.

But to just show that I am sympathetic to my more sensitive readers, following is a joke that I have edited for general audiences.

But first we have to set up some code words so the joke still makes sense;

Instead of the word that means bodily evacuation we will use "shoot".

Instead of the word that means two people sharing the act of love we will use "fire truck".

And instead of a woman's very special place we will use the word "coconut".

Everybody got it? "Shoot", "fire truck" and "coconut". Okay, here is the joke...

So, these two cock-suckers walk into a bar...

Sensitively,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"Hillary Clinton is coming out with a book called 'What Happened.' Out of habit, Bill Clinton immediately came out with his own book called 'Baby, I Can Explain.'" -Conan O'Brien



A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this; when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better--your ear or your finger?"



"A man in Texas accused of having sex with a chain link fence failed to appear in court last week and is now on the run from police. Which is weird because it sounds like he would have a great time in the prison yard." -Seth Meyers




A married woman of 10 years goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.

So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.

She says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table."

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"That's okay," she says, "We hardly ever go to that restaurant anyway."