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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Good morning crew,

After spending all week reading story after story about the dangers of looking at the solar eclipse without protective eyewear, the very first thing I did Monday afternoon when I walked outside at 1:15 was look straight up.

Maybe I was lulled into an illusion of safety by the cloud cover, or by the fact that it was already so dark outside, but even the tiny sliver of sun that was still visible was blinding.

For two or three hours afterward there was a hazy orange crescent hanging in the air right in the middle of my field of vision.

Hopefully this lesson will stick with me for at least another seven years until the next eclipse.

Laugh it up,


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"A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth. The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children." -Conan O'Brien


"A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men. And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry." -Jimmy Fallon


"The jackpot is up to an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend quality time with strangers outside gas stations." -Jimmy Kimmel


One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.

A couple hours later I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.

Instead he said, "This tastes good... are you sure you followed the recipe?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.

So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!"

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