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Saturday, August 19, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A Wisconsin man building a house accidentally shot himself in the heart with a nail gun -- and then drove himself to the hospital.

Doug Bergeson said he was working on the fireplace for a home he's building when his nail gun fired off accidentally and shot a 3-1/2 inch framing nail into his heart.

"I was just bringing the nail gun forward and I was on my tip-toes and I just didn't quite have enough room, and it fired before I was really ready for it, and then it dropped down and it fired again," Bergeson said.

"It didn't really hurt. It just felt like it kind of stung me. And I looked down and I didn't see anything and I put my hand there and... That's not good," Bergeson said. "When I saw it moving with my heart, it's kind of like... I'm not going to get anything done today! I can see that already!"

"So, I drove in to the emergency room," he said. "It seemed like the thing to do! I felt fine, other than having a little too much iron in my diet."

Bergeson said the wound started to hurt by the time he finished his 12-mile drive to the emergency room.

The hospital quickly transferred Bergeson to BayCare Medical Center, where cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Alexander Roitstein conducted surgery to remove the nail.

"A wrong heart beat, a wrong position and he would have had a much more complicated problem than he was bargaining for," Roitstein said. "And so he's quite fortunate from that standpoint."

Bergeson said doctors told him the nail was about a paper's thickness away from a main artery in his heart.

"He was very astute not to remove it, because he remembered Steve Irwin, and that's what played through his head," Roitstein said.

Roitstein said Bergeson's injury will completely heal, with only a scar to show it ever happened.

Bergeson said he hopes his close call will inspire others working construction to remember that nail guns shoot with the speed of a .22-caliber rifle.

"Accidents, they can happen so quickly, and fortunately this one had a good ending," Bergeson said.


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*------------ The One That Got Away ------------*

A naked woman approached a fisherman and took away his equipment while cruising, according to police in Florida. The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said that they have arrested 22-year-old Alexandria Turner, after being accused of biting the man's fishing line and swimming away with his fishing equipment. According to the police investigation, The man was fishing when Turner, who was naked, showed up. She bit into his fishing line and began swimming away with his rod. Turner also cursed the man, who was identified as Robert Gonzales. Police were called to the scene, but Turner refused to come to shore. When police tried to put handcuffs on her, she yelled "I am f**king naked" several times. Turner spent two days in jail, and was sentenced to time served.


*------ Isn't It Ironic, Don't You Think? ------*

A drunk driver lost control of his vehicle and slammed into a road sign that urges people to report drunk drivers, according to police in California. The California Highway Patrol (CHP) said that they have arrested 57-year-old Stephen DeWitt, after being accused of driving drunk on a highway until his Jeep rolled over. "Here is an update on the SR-1 crash at Buena Vista. The driver of the Jeep was arrested for DUI following a CHP investigation. He left this behind. Don't drink and drive, it's just not worth it!" Police wrote on Facebook. DeWitt was drunk when he hit the sign, stating: "report drunk drivers call 911." The vehicle then rolled over and it landed upside down. Police said that DeWitt survived the crash because he was wearing his seat belt.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

100+ year old fruitcake is "nearly edible"? Can't that be said about almost any fruitcake? -Tim

About that teacher having sex with her 15-year-old student...there are stories like this all the time (not just in BN, either) but they never mention how the student feels about the whole situation. Why do you suppose that is?

My question is; how fucked up of a parent do you have to be for a judge to sign custody of your child over to a public school teacher? Private school teacher, maybe, but public?

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*