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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Problem: you're a 32-year-old junior high school teacher and you're sexually attracted to one of your students, but you're afraid you will get in trouble for seducing a 14-year-old child.

Solution: convince the child's mother, and a judge, to award you partial custody of the boy so he can move into your house.

The Tallmadge Police Department said that they have arrested 36-year-old Laura Lynn Cross, after being accused of having sex with the 15-year-old boy over a period of three years. Cross was a teacher in the Akron School System.

According to the police investigation, when the boy's parents divorced, the court awarded custody to the mother. At some point, Cross managed to convince the mother to give her custody of the boy.

A judge agreed to allow Cross to adopt the boy who was attending the Buchtel High School. The teacher then began a 3-year sexual relationship with him. Cross got pregnant and had a child with the boy. A concerned citizen tipped off the father of the boy about the inappropriate relationship.

The father filed a complaint with the police, and Cross was arrested.

A spokesperson for the Akron School System, said that officials were unaware that Cross was having sex with the boy despite the fact that the teacher uploaded numerous pictures of herself with the boy on her Facebook page.


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*------------ Beware of 'Lizardmen' ------------*

The South Carolina Emergency Management Division is urging "vigilant" residents to be on the lookout for legendary "Lizardmen" during the solar eclipse. The SCEMD tweeted a map showing the locations of reported sightings of the mythical "Lizard Man" -- or perhaps multiple "Lizardmen" -- during the past few decades. "This historical map is in response to recent media reports about possible paranormal activity associated with the upcoming total solar eclipse," a note at the bottom of the map reads. "SCEMD does not know if Lizardmen become more active during a solar eclipse," the note reads. "But we advise that residents of Lee and Sumter counties should remain vigilant." "As always, if you see something, say something," the SCEMD tweeted. The group's tweets indicated the map may have been a tongue-in-cheek response to NASA cartographer Joshua Stevens creating a "Sunsquatch" map purporting to show the best places in the United States to view both the Aug. 21 eclipse and potentially catch a glimpse of Bigfoot. The SCEMD cautioned, however, that it "will neither confirm nor deny" the existence of Lizardmen.


Century-Old Fruitcake In Near Edible Condition

A fruitcake more than 100 years old was recently discovered in near-edible condition by conservators in Antartica. The New Zealand-based Antarctic Heritage Trust uncovered a rusted iron alloy tin in Cape Adare containing the fruitcake which could be at least 106 years old. Conservators said the tin was in poor condition, but the paper wrapping was largely intact and the fruitcake nearly looked and smelled edible. "With just two weeks to go on the conservation of the Cape Adare artefacts, finding such a perfectly preserved fruitcake in amongst the last handful of unidentified and severely corroded tins was quite a surprise," Lizzie Meek of the trust said. The trust said the fruitcake, made by Britain's Huntley and Palmers, was a favorite treat of Robert Falcon Scott and could date back to the Northern Party of his Terra Nova expedition from 1910 to 1913. "It's an ideal high-energy food for Antarctic conditions, and is still a favorite item on modern trips to the Ice," Meek said. She plans to send the fruitcake to her in-laws this Christmas.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Hi Lewis, Reading that story puts me in mind of a case I read about in the 80s that took place in France. There was a very successful lady bank robber who would pick young male bank tellers, and just after demanding money, would pull up her shirt and flash her breasts. Not a single one of the tellers could describe her face, though all of them described her breasts as "magnificent." I kind of wonder if the New Orleans Police are going to be able to get any of the crime victims to give them an accurate description of this bra bandit's face.

First, The female crook in New Orleans could have worn two bras and really confused the cops. Second, When did Bill Clinton move to Michigan?

Hello Lewis, Lawrence, KS is 41 miles west of KC, KS so I wonder if about your source of info. Kansas, KS is in Leavenworth Co while Lawrence is in Douglas Co.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*