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Monday, August 7, 2017

Good morning crew,

What a weekend. After the fest Saturday afternoon the wife and I retired to the old homestead where we decided to enjoy just a beautiful evening by building a little fire in the backyard. Because I'm not very smart I spent the next two hours or so breaking boards and sticks over my knees to feed the fire.

Then Sunday morning a friend of mine invited me to the range to shoot a little skeet. After about 90 minutes of that I began to remember why it's been almost a year since I've done it.

When I got up this morning I hobbled out of bed to discover that both of my knees are bruised and sore and my right shoulder has a big black-and-blue mark about the size of my fist (or maybe the butt of a 12 gauge stock) and it hurts to lift my arm up.

I'm telling you, these restful and relaxing weekends are really taking their toll on me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Elon Musk recently announced that the government has approved a plan for something called a 'Hyperloop' that will transport people between New York and D.C. in just 29 minutes. Apparently this thing shoots people through a tube at 700 miles an hour! And, when you arrive in New York it drops you straight off at Macy's so you can buy a clean pair of underwear." -James Corden

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"A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool - the reception was open barf." -Seth Meyers

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"A new article states that millennials have terrible conversational skills. When asked for comment, millennials texted a series of crying frowny faces." -Conan O'Brien

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Little Johnny's mother overheard him reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch..."

"Johnny!" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use those kinds of words."

"But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."

Next day Johnny's mother called the teacher to complain. "Oh, heavens," said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Three guys are debating which of their native languages is the most pleasing to the ear.

The Italian says, "Consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In Italian, it is: 'Ti amo'. What a lovely sound!"

The French guy says, "True, but in French it is 'Je t'adore'. An even more beautiful sound!"

"Unt vat's wrong vit: 'Ick leiber dick?" asks the German.

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