Monday, July 31, 2017

Good morning crew,

There is a lot to be said for maintenance. You know, keeping on top of things? Because if you don't, things can get out of hand.

Yard work, for example. I haven't done a lick of yard work in a good two weeks because of the weather, and, well, I'm lazy, but I finally couldn't put it off anymore (the neighbors were starting to think we had abandoned the property). So yesterday I put in three solid hours of trimming, edging, weeding, mowing and mulching.

And I'm paying for it today. I'm sunburned, my back is killing me and I was practically debilitated by allergies all day.

Now I'm going to enjoy my manicured lawn by going home, taking a couple aspirin and having a nap.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, "Yeah, I'd love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'" -Seth Meyers

***
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien

***
A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license and has to take an eye test.

They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.

"Can you read this?" the optician asks.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know that guy!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"