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Monday, July 31, 2017

Good morning crew,

There is a lot to be said for maintenance. You know, keeping on top of things? Because if you don't, things can get out of hand.

Yard work, for example. I haven't done a lick of yard work in a good two weeks because of the weather, and, well, I'm lazy, but I finally couldn't put it off anymore (the neighbors were starting to think we had abandoned the property). So yesterday I put in three solid hours of trimming, edging, weeding, mowing and mulching.

And I'm paying for it today. I'm sunburned, my back is killing me and I was practically debilitated by allergies all day.

Now I'm going to enjoy my manicured lawn by going home, taking a couple aspirin and having a nap.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, "Yeah, I'd love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien

***

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license and has to take an eye test.

They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.

"Can you read this?" the optician asks.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know that guy!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

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