Thursday, July 13, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Magilla, Lewis and I were on the phone setting up a meeting and then a round of golf with some stiff whose office is downtown.

"Friday works for me if you don't mind meeting while my cleaning lady is here," he said.

"Is she hot?" I asked.

"No," he said, "not really. Why, do you have a hot cleaning lady?"

I answered, "Yep--my wife."

"Oh."

Tickle-your-ass-with-a-feather-dusterly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"A new poll found that 10 percent of people post vacation photos on social media to make others jealous, and 100 percent of people click on them to see co-workers in a bathing suit." -Seth Meyers



Product developer: "Boss, we really need to stop testing our products on animals."

Boss: "Why? Shampoo companies do it. Cosmetics companies do it."

Product developer: "Yeah, but we make dildos."



"A new study just found that the Republican healthcare bill has the same approval rating as Nickelback and herpes. When asked to comment, the herpes virus said, 'Hey, don't lump me in with those guys.'" -Conan O'Brien




Child Support Agency Forms

The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing fathers' name details.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had It replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look The same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.