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Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

If you want to commit suicide but don't quite have the guts to follow through with it, apparently one quick way to help get the job done is to call the police.

Like last year when a Florida woman called the police because her boyfriend was drunk and lying in bed playing with a knife.

Two SWAT officers showed up with assault rifles and promptly shot him dead. Did I mention he was lying in bed?

But never let it be said that the police don't have a sense of proportion about these things. Like this story of a disturbed man in Texas.

Police were called when two women observed a mentally ill man who had doused himself in gasoline and appeared to be getting ready to set himself on fire.

Officers arrived, got the women out of the home and began talking to the man. While officers tried to calm him down, a police spokeswoman said, he poured more gasoline on himself and was believed to be holding a lighter in one hand.

Perhaps not wanting to waste all that expensive fuel, the officers decided the best way to subdue him was to deploy a taser.

The spark from the weapon set the man off like a torch.

The spokeswoman acknowledged the risk of using an electrical stun gun near gasoline, but said the man was "very frantic and erratic and became a danger to everyone in the room."

That being namely himself, seeing as how the police had already cleared everyone else out.

On the plus side, the man did not die. Officers wrapped him in a blanket to put out the fire and got the man outside the home. He was later taken to a hospital.

The officers were also taken to the hospital for smoke inhalation.


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*------------- Birds of a Feather -------------*

A drunk driver in Louisiana was arrested while attempting to bail out her friend who had earlier been arrested for drunk driving. Slidell Police Department said officers pulled over a "car full of drunks" on Saturday night and arrested the driver, who was charged with a DWI. About an hour after police secured the offending vehicle in the parking lot and the passengers took a cab ride home, the woman decided to return to the scene to pick up the vehicle and get her friend out of jail. "She then drives drunk to the Slidell Police Department in order to bail out her friend. Instead of bailing out her friend, she's was able to join him inside the jail," police said. Upon arriving at the police department, the woman was arrested for drunk driving and police hoped she learned a valuable lesson. "Lesson of the day...don't drive drunk to a police station in order to bail out your drunk friend!" police said.


*------- Snake Knocks Out Power to 4,790 -------*

A snake that slithered into the wrong section of a South Carolina electrical substation was blamed for knocking out power to nearly 4,800 homes, utility officials said. Duke Energy spokesman Ryan Mosier released a photo showing a snake dangling from equipment at the Brushy Creek substation Wednesday after knocking out power to 4,790 customers in Greenville County. "It's not uncommon, especially this time of year, to see something like this happen," Mosier said. Duke Energy spokeswoman Meghan Musgrave Miles said snakes are blamed for about 100 power outages each year in the six states where the utility operates. She said the company is taking steps to prevent future incidents, including retrofitting 400,000 transformers with specially designed electric fences to keep snakes and other animals away.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

The guy who was arrested for molesting a chicken should have claimed that he was a muslim, and the cops would have let him go!
[Nope. That would be goats.]

You know the difference between erotic and perverted? One uses a feather, the other the whole chicken. -Jim
[He was using the whole chicken, all right.]

He was told to register as a sex offender--but there should be a condition: no problem near people, but must keep 100 yards away from all animals, and from KFC. -Cecille

Lewis, what was the 'quote of the year' you were referring to in the article; the projectile vomiting? Or 'dreams really do come true'?
[If you can figure out how to put quotation marks around vomit, that would be my vote.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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