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Friday, July 7, 2017

Good morning crew,

So the 4th of July party turned out pretty well, from what I could tell. I spent most of my time either cooking, cleaning, or washing dishes.

One of the consequences of hosting a medium-sized mob.

Another consequence was the disaster area the wife and I woke up to Wednesday morning. You know how you usually invite more people than you are expecting, because there are always a few people who don't show up?

Well, everybody showed up.

It looked like there was a frat party on Adderall in the backyard. I still haven't figured out who stuck a firecracker inside a hotdog, and we had to give the dog a complete bath to get all of the guacamole out of her fur.

But the real treat came about midmorning, in the middle of cleanup, when both the washing machine and the kitchen sink started leaking. I mean, what are the chances?

So on top of everything else we had floods in the laundry room and the kitchen to deal with.

But, at least everything is over and done with and we can finally get back to normal.

At least until the next party which is, weekend after next, I think?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A company in New York City has opened what some are calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol. And this is cool - they're using empty chairs instead of customers." -Seth Meyers

***

"On Monday in Vermont, a barrel of maple syrup fell off a truck and spilled all over the highway. Luckily, it broad-sided a French toast truck." -Conan O'Brien

***

"The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most - waiting in airports and exercise." -Jimmy Fallon

***

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She's still laughing.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Physics 101

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

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