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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A man was rushed to a hospital with a serious injury to his manhood after shooting himself while getting into his car, according to police in Florida.

Jacksonville police said that they have launched an investigation against 38-year-old Cedrick Jelks, for being a convicted felon in possession of a gun.

According to the police investigation, the incident unfolded early on Friday morning. Jelks got into his Nissan Altima, which was parked on Freedom Crossing Trail.

Jelks did not realize that there was a gun on the driver's seat, and he sat down on it. The gun went off, and the bullet hit his genitals.

Jelks ran into the home he shares with 25-year-old Shanekia Roberts, and asked for help. Roberts took Jelks to the hospital, where he underwent surgery.

Doctors called police to report the injury. Jelks was convicted of drug possession and could not legally own a gun.


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'Honey, why is there an elephant in the backyard?'

Kelly the elephant escaped her enclosure at a circus in Wisconsin and wandered to a nearby neighborhood for an early-morning snack, her handlers said. Residents in Baraboo, Wis., woke up early Friday to find Kelly munching on trees and plants in their backyard. "She was just having some breakfast, I guess," Jaime Peterson said. Kelly probably had help from fellow pachyderm Isla -- who likes bright, shiny things -- with releasing the bolts in their enclosure at Circus World in Baraboo, Wis. Isla stayed put inside the enclosure, but Kelly went on a walkabout, circus director Scott O'Donnell said. "Kelly went for a very short neighborhood stroll this morning after her partner-in-crime, Miss Isla, opened the door on the elephant barn," he said. "They're very curious and intelligent animals. Kelly's probably the more inquisitive one, and definitely the more food-motivated one." The elephant ultimately followed her trainer back home without incident. The circus said it would keep a better eye on Isla to make sure she doesn't open the enclosure again.


*-------------- Man Needed a Lift --------------*

Police in Florida said a man caught driving a stolen forklift told officers he was tired of walking -- and it wasn't the first time. Port Orange Police said an officer approached Bradley Barefoot, 43, who was appropriately barefoot at the time, after spotting him with the stolen forklift. "There was a male parked in a handicap spot with a piece of heavy equipment that had a mattress on it. The male was barefoot, talking to himself while swearing and throwing his hands up," the Port Orange Police report said. Barefoot initially told the officer he took the forklift because he thought it was the same one that has been stolen from his boss in Alabama, but he later said he took the $38,000 vehicle because he was tired of walking and he noticed the keys had been left in the ignition. Barefoot was arrested on a charge of grand theft. Police said the incident wasn't Barefoot's first offense -- he was arrested in April 2016 when he took a forklift from behind a Best Buy store in Daytona Beach and used it to move some boxes before driving the piece of equipment to a Bob Evans restaurant. Investigators said Barefoot told them in the 2016 case that he took the forklift because he didn't feel like walking.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

I cannot decide if you needed an Oxford comma or if one dead snake and an alligator are still on the loose. If the latter, I have to wonder how hard it is to track down the dead snake. -Tim

LEWIS; OMG Pedro Ruiz III was indeed a dunderhead using a book to protect him from a bullet shot at his chest. If he saw the movie Back To The Future III he'd have seen Marty McFly using a rather thick heavy metal plate to protect his chest. These Youtube wannabe stars need to study movie tricks before doing any dangerous stunt. -R.S.
[It worked in The Sopranos.]

I'm guessing the book Ruiz used to block the bullet wasn't 'How To Tell When You're Being A Moron' by Stu Pid. - Kevin

Manslaughter? Really? Even if he asked her to shoot him? Not even him. He asked her to shoot a book. He was the idiot who stood behind it. If anything the girl should be charged with reckless discharge of a firearm, or something. Not manslaughter.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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