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Monday, July 3, 2017

Good morning crew,

Tomorrow is Independence Day, and for the first time in living memory (at least my living memory) I don't have a party to go to. For decades my Cousin Kaz and his wife hosted July 4th parties at their lake-backed estate, but last year they retired and moved out of state.

Now I don't know what to do with myself.

With no other option I am afraid I will be forced to party by myself. Well, myself and the wife, of course. My brother and his wife might stop by for a drink. Maybe a friend or two.

But I am expecting a quiet, relaxing, even boring afternoon.

Here is a little flashback to a July 4th party from a couple years ago if you're interested...

Something that has never happened before.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"This week is the July 4th holiday, or as your dog calls it, PTSD Day." -Seth Meyers

***

"The Fourth of July holiday is almost upon us. The original Brexit is the Fourth of July. It's my favorite holiday. You don't have to wrap anything, other than bacon around a hot dog." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"For the fourth time, a small town in Kentucky has elected a dog as its mayor. People were so excited; at the victory party, they kept chanting, '28 more years! 28 more years!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.

"Oh, my friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!"

At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?"

The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured... teeth will be provided!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River.

"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days."

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