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Friday, June 30, 2017

Good morning crew,

Payday today. I have a lot of expenses coming up, so this is going to take some careful planning.

First; Independence Day. Since Cousin Kaz is no longer in town to host his legendary party I am forced to fend for myself. And even a modest affair is going to cost a small fortune in bottle rockets and charcoal briquettes.

Plus, my truck has recently started making some unusual, high-pitched squealing noises. I have no idea what is causing it, but whatever it is, it sounds expensive.

And I am still waiting for the bill from the last truckload of landscaping material the wife bought a couple weeks ago.

All those along with normal expenses like beer, groceries, fuel, and utilities is going to make for a very tight couple of weeks.

I may have to skip paying the electric bill.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A woman in South Carolina just gave birth to a 14.4-pound baby boy. The doctor said, 'Congratulations! It's a man!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"I think all these storms are God's way of sending us a message. I think that message is that when warm humid air masses surge northward from the Gulf of Mexico and combine with a strong jet stream, it can result in severe weather conditions." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"According to new research, a press-on patch for the flu vaccine works just as well as the flu shot. You just remove the adhesive backing and place it firmly over your co-worker's mouth." -Seth Meyers

***

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and after a big fight they were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Important; wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 8:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

It was time for finals and a student was struggling with one particular question on his chemistry test.

The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?"

This was a quick answer for most, but it took this student some thinking time.

Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.

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