Sunday, July 2, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Clean Laffs Joe just asked me what my plans are for the 4th of July.
"We're having an eight man, two day, four round golf tournament."
"You're playing golf? What about your family?"
"What about my family?"
"Aren't you going to spend any time with them?"
"At night, if they're home. The kids are good for fetching me cold drinks while I'm relaxing on the back patio. After walking 36 holes I don't want to be running back and forth to the fridge."
"What about fireworks. Aren't you going to watch any fireworks with them?"
"The kids are all too old for that bullshit. And they don't like being seen in public with me too much. Besides, every 4th for the last 20 years we've gone to my brother's house. He always has some illegal explosives. Not that his kids don't usually fuck something up. One year one of them kicked an M80 under my brother's car. Another year a Roman candle tipped over and started shooting right at where my mom was sitting. I had to throw myself in front of her in order to keep her from getting burned."
"Wow, pretty heroic," he said only semi-sarcastically.
"I'm no hero, but she hadn't signed everything over to me in her will yet. So I kind of had to."
"Geez, TZ, that's callous."
"I'll tell you what's callous; my hands form playing 4 rounds in two days."
"Huh, I was expecting a dick joke out of you."
"And my dick from pounding your wife," I finished.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"A Muslim model has become the first woman to appear in a hijab on the cover of Allure magazine. She also appears in a fashion spread entitled, '10 Hot Looks for When You're Detained at the Airport.'" -Conan O'Brien
Guy: I'm really excited about our date tonight, I've been saving up all week for it.
Girl: That's so sweet, but I really don't mind splitting the check.
Guy: I'm not talking about money.
I'd just come out of a Supermarket with a roasted chicken, French fries, large chips, and a 12 pack of beer.
A poor homeless man sat on the curb and said to me as I passed by, "I haven't eaten for two days!"
I told him, "That's great. I wish I had your will power."
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon quickie. "Don't worry," he assures her, "my wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!"
"No problem," he replies, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That bitch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"